>> PREVIOUSLY ON NIP/TUCK...
>> YOU EVER SCREWED ON NITROUS?
>> IT'S DANGEROUS.
>> YOU CAN TRUST ME.
I'M AN ANESTHESIOLOGIST.
>> YOU TWO SOME SORT OF COUPLE
NOW?
>> THEY OFFERED ME A DEAL AT
PENETRATE.
>> TO DO PORN?
>> WE JUST HAD TO SNATCH HER UP.
>> HOW'S MY BABY DOING?
>> THE TUMOR HAS SPREAD TO THE
SUPRACLAVICULAR LYMPH NODES.
>> GIVE ME A BALLPARK.
>> 6 MONTHS.
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
>> I WANT YOU TO MARRY ME.
>> TELL US WHAT YOU DON'T LIKE
ABOUT YOURSELF, MS. BLAYLOCK.
[MS. BLAYLOCK SIGHS]
ME FIRST, I GUESS.
>> WHAT IS THAT?
SOMETHING BITE YOU?
>> YEAH. MY BAD.
>> YOU DID THAT?
>> I WAS TRYING TO MATCH THE ONE
SHE GAVE ME.
>> THAT'S A GOOD THING YOU HAD
ITALIAN FOR LUNCH.
THAT GARLIC BREATH MIGHT BE THE
ONLY THING THAT SAVES US.
>> THAT'S HOLLYWOOD BULLSHIT.
WE LOVE GARLIC AS MUCH AS ANYONE
ELSE.
>> THE SUN DOESN'T MELT US.
WE DON'T GET BURNED BY HOLY
WATER.
AND LOOKING AT CROSSES IS NO BIG
DEAL.
>> SO, YOU'RE VAMPIRES. OK.
>> IF YOU HAVE TO LABEL US, WE
PREFER TO BE CALLED SANGS, NOT
VAMPIRES.
>> AND YOU ACTUALLY DRINK EACH
OTHER'S BLOOD?
>> WE HAVE ROUTINE BLOOD WORK
DONE, SO WE KNOW WE'RE NOT
SHARING ANY DISEASES.
WE JUST PIERCE THE SKIN AND
OFFER EACH OTHER A TASTE.
>> IT'S OUR INTIMACY,
SHARING THIS MOST SACRED OF
BODILY FLUIDS.
BUT LAST WEEK, WE TOOK IT TOO
FAR.
>> I'LL SAY.
YOU REALIZE HOW CLOSE YOU GOT TO
HER ARTERY?
>> I HIT IT. BY MISTAKE.
[PANTING]
>> TAKE ME.
>> THE PARAMEDICS HAD TO COME.
THE VASCULAR SURGEONS STOPPED
THE BLEEDING, BUT THE E.R.
DOCS DID A HORRIBLE JOB SUTURING
THE SKIN.
IT TOOK ME ALMOST LOSING HER TO
REALIZE THAT WE'D GONE TOO FAR
WITH THE BLOOD LUST.
LIKE ADDICTS.
OUR BEHAVIOR'S BECOME DANGEROUS
AND WE NEED TO STOP IT.
>> SO, YOU'RE OFF THE BLOOD?
CONGRATS.
>> SNEER IF YOU LIKE, DOCTOR.
BUT THE RESTORATIVE POWERS OF
BLOOD CAN BE KIND OF ADDICTING,
YOU KNOW?
YOU GET THIS IMMEDIATE RUSH.
YOUR COLOR CHANGES.
IT CAN RESTORE YOUR HEART, YOUR
LIVER, KIDNEYS.
>> WE'RE FAMILIAR WITH THE
EFFECTS OF TRANSFUSION.
>> WE WERE JUST HOPING TO
PRESERVE OURSELVES,
TO STAY YOUNG
AND VITAL AS LONG AS POSSIBLE.
>> AS PLASTIC SURGEONS, YOU
SHOULD RELATE.
THE IDEA OF CHASING IMMORTALITY
IS SOMETHING YOU MAKE A KILLING
OFF OF.
>> * AHH *
* MAKE ME BEAUTIFUL *
* MAKE ME
THE PERFECT SOUL
A PERFECT MIND,
A PERFECT FACE,
A PERFECT
LIE *
[FLASHING LIGHTS BY KANYE WEST
PLAYING]
>> * FLASHING
LIGHTS, LIGHTS, LIGHTS, LIGHTS,
FLASHING
LIGHTS, LIGHTS, LIGHTS, LIGHTS,
FLASHING
LIGHTS, LIGHTS, LIGHTS, LIGHTS,
FLASHING
LIGHTS, LIGHTS, LIGHTS, LIGHTS *
>> * SHE DON'T BELIEVE
IN SHOOTIN' STARS,
BUT SHE BELIEVE
IN SHOES AND CARS,
WOOD FLOORS
IN THE NEW APARTMENT,
COUTURE FROM
THE STORE'S DEPARTMENT,
YOU MORE LIKE
LOVE TO START SHIT,
I'M MORE OF THE
TRIPS TO FLORIDA
ORDER THE HOR D'OEUVRES,
VIEWS OF THE WATER
STRAIGHT FROM THE PAGE
OF YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR,
AND THE WEATHER SO BREEZY,
MAN, WHY CAN'T LIFE
ALWAYS BE THIS EASY?
SHE IN THE MIRROR
DANCING SO SLEAZY,
I GET A CALL
LIKE WHERE ARE YOU, YEEZY... *
>> HEY.
IT'S, UH, 9:00.
WHERE ARE YOU?
>> * ... AS I RECALL,
I KNOW YOU LOVE
TO SHOW OFF... *
>> OHH, THERE'S MY LITTLE HONEY
BUNNY.
MWAH!
AWW.
>> SORRY I'M LATE, DARLING.
I WAS ON A WINNIN' STREAK.
JUST COULDN'T TEAR MYSELF AWAY.
AND DON'T GET STARTED ON HOW I
HAVE A GAMBLING PROBLEM.
NO, IT ISN'T A PROBLEM UNLESS
YOU LOSE.
AND TONIGHT, BABY, I WON BIG.
>> AH, YOU AND THIS LITTLE LADY.
AND SHE DECIDED TO SPEND HER
WINNINGS BY GETTING RID OF HER
SADDLEBAGS.
WALKED RIGHT IN HERE AFTER
HITTING THE JACKPOT.
>> YOU ARE A GENIUS.
YOU KNOW THAT, HARLAND?
I MEAN, WHERE ELSE BUT IN VEGAS
CAN YOU GET YOUR THIGHS SUCKED
AT 9:00 AT NIGHT?
>> HEY, SUGAR, I THINK THAT WAS
YOUR IDEA.
[TEDDY GIGGLES]
>> AND IT WAS A GOOD ONE.
WHEN IN ROME.
I MEAN, IF 2 PEOPLE CAN GET
MARRIED IN AN ELVIS CHAPEL AT
4:00 IN THE MORNING--
[HARLAND LAUGHS]
[TEDDY SQUEALS]
>> CONGRATULATIONS, DIXIE.
VERY EXCITING.
>> I KNOW.
>> NOW, SUGAR, HOW'S YOUR AUNT
DOING?
>> THE DOCTORS SAY IT WON'T BE
LONG NOW.
>> HMM.
YOU'RE A GOOD GIRL, DIXIE.
THAT'S WHY I LOVE YOU.
I JUST HOPE SHE APPRECIATES YOUR
VISITS.
NOW, LET'S GET THIS SHOW ON THE
ROAD.
THE SOONER WE PLAY DOCTOR, THE
SOONER WE CAN PLAY DOCTOR.
[TEDDY GIGGLES]
>> * ... FLASHING
LIGHTS, LIGHTS,
LIGHTS, LIGHTS *
>> [MOANING]
>> AHH.
[KISSING LOUDLY]
>> WHAT?
>> WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
SHE WANTS TO KNOW THE TRUTH.
HE'S ALL NERVOUS ABOUT HURTING
YOUR FEELINGS, BUT ME?
I DON'T HAVE THAT PROBLEM.
[SIGHS]
YOU'RE A RELIC AND WE WANT YOU
OUT OF OUR BED.
>> SHUT UP, YOU STUPID SKANK.
>> HEY, NO DRAMA IN HERE.
LOOK.
EDEN AND I HAVE BEEN TALKING
THIS OVER.
TALKING ABOUT THE FUTURE.
TALKING ABOUT A LOT OF THINGS.
THE BOTTOM LINE, BABY--THIS IS
NOT WORKING OUT.
>> YOU'RE BREAKING UP WITH ME?
>> YES.
>> OH. LET ME GUESS WHY.
[EDEN SCOFFS]
>> 'CAUSE YOUR FACE IS LIKE AN
OLD PURSE FROM ALL THAT HORRIBLE
TANNING BOOTH DAMAGE, YOUR HAIR
IS LIKE THE HAY I FEED MY HORSE,
AND YOUR KNEES KIND OR RESEMBLE
A CIRCUS ELEPHANT.
I SHOULD BE FEEDING YOU PEANUTS.
>> WAIT TILL YOU TURN 30,
HORSEFACE.
THEY'LL BE PUTTING YOU ON A
TRAIN RIGHT TO THE GLUE FACTORY.
AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION,
CHRISTIAN TROY, MY EX, WHO
HAPPENS TO BE THE BEST PLASTIC
SURGEON IN THE CITY, TOLD ME 2
WEEKS AGO HE COULDN'T FIND ONE
THING THAT NEEDS IMPROVEMENT ON
ME. IN FACT, I WAS PROBABLY THE
MOST GORGEOUS WOMAN, PERFECT
WOMAN, THAT HE HAS EVER SEEN FOR
HER AGE.
>> FOR. HER. AGE.
>> ECCH. RAM.
>> YOU GOTTA GET REALISTIC HERE.
KIMMY, THERE DOES COME A TIME
WHEN THERE'S NO MORE PROCEDURES,
NO MORE PLASTIC SURGERY.
YOUTH GOES AWAY.
AND WHEN YOU'VE BEEN TRYING TO
KEEP AHOLD OF IT AS MUCH AS YOU
HAVE, IT'S NO LONGER SEXY.
IT'S JUST DESPERATE.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU'VE JUST DONE ME A BIG FAVOR.
I AM A SYMBOL OF SENSUALITY,
GLAMOUR, AND POWER, AND I HAVE
BEEN WASTING MY TIME WITH YOU
TWO LOW-RENT, SCUMBAG ASSHOLES.
I DON'T NEED YOU ANYMORE, RAM.
I WILL SURVIVE.
NO, IN FACT, I AM GOING TO
THRIVE WITHOUT YOU.
THE LEGEND OF KIMBER HENRY WILL
LIVE FOREVER.
>> WE HAVE TO DO A LITTLE MUSCLE
REPAIR, RESECT THE SKIN HERE AND
HERE.
>> OHH.
>> YOU ALL RIGHT?
>> OHH.
>> HERE, BABE.
HAVE SOME.
>> I'M AFRAID TO ASK.
WHAT IS THAT STUFF?
>> OH!
WHAT IS THIS SHIT, LEGEND?
>> IT'S GOT ALL THE VEGETABLES
AND MINERALS WE NEED.
>> I THOUGHT YOU WERE GIVING ME
THE BLOOD FROM A STEAK OR
SOMETHING.
>> WE ARE WEANING OURSELVES OFF,
REMEMBER?
[SIGHS]
>> I GUESS I WON'T BE NEEDING
THESE ANYMORE.
>> BIOWASTE.
I'LL DISPOSE OF THEM.
WHAT ABOUT YOURS?
MUST BE A BITCH TO FLOSS.
>> MINE ARE THE REAL THING.
DENTIST HAS TO FILE THEM DOWN
NEXT WEEK.
>> WELL, IF THERE ARE NO MORE
QUESTIONS, UH, DR. McNAMARA WILL
SEE YOU IN SURGERY.
>> YOU'RE COOL.
MOST PEOPLE GET OFF ON JUDGING
US.
>> LIVE AND LET LIVE.
>> EMPHASIS ON "LIVE."
YOU ONLY GO AROUND ONCE.
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
[HISSING]
>> I'VE FIGURED OUT A WAY TO
LIVE FOREVER.
>> CRYOGENICS?
>> I'M GONNA NEED YOUR HELP.
[MACHINES BEEPING]
WHEN YOU SEE THAT I'M CLOSE, YOU
HAVE TO CALL THE CRYOGENICS
COMPANY.
ANY TIME, 24/7.
BUT YOU HAVE TO TIME IT RIGHT,
SEAN.
I'M COUNTING ON YOU.
>> HE'S READY.
[MACHINE BEEPING CONTINUOUSLY]
THE STANDBY TEAM WILL COME TO
THE HOUSE, PACK ME IN ICE TO
PREVENT ISCHEMIC DAMAGE, AND
TRANSPORT ME TO A STORAGE
LOCATION.
THEY'LL PREPARE ME, THEN PLACE
ME IN MY CRYOSTAT.
THE LIQUID NITROGEN WILL FREEZE
MY BODY AND PUT ME IN A STATE OF
SUSPENDED ANIMATION.
MY CELLS, STILL RICH WITH
OXYGEN.
MY CANCER WILL BE FROZEN, UNABLE
TO MULTIPLY.
[LIZ LAUGHING]
>> A TROYSICLE!
>> I TELL YOU WHAT.
IS JABBA THE HUT GONNA HANG YOU
ON HIS WALL?
[LAUGHING]
>> I'M SERIOUS ABOUT THIS.
I MEAN, THINK ABOUT ALL THE
ADVANCEMENTS THEY'VE MADE IN
CANCER RESEARCH IN THE PAST
10 YEARS.
I MEAN, 10, 20 YEARS FROM NOW,
THEY'LL HAVE GOT A CURE.
>> AND THEN WHAT?
>> AND THEN THEY'LL REVIVE ME.
[GASPS]
MAKE ME HEALTHY AGAIN.
>> DAD?
>> I'LL BE ABLE TO SEE WILBER GO
TO COLLEGE.
I'LL BE ABLE TO PLAY WITH MATT'S
KIDS.
OUR GRANDCHILDREN.
>> THIS IS WHY YOU HAVEN'T
HELPED ME WITH THE WEDDING?
CHRISTIAN.
I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU'RE AFRAID
OF DYING.
WE ARE ALL AFRAID OF YOU DYING
AND WHAT LIFE IS GOING TO BE
WITHOUT YOU, BUT IS THERE ANY
SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE THAT THIS
PROCEDURE WORKS?
>> AND WHAT EFFECT DO YOU THINK
LIQUID NITROGEN AT A TEMPERATURE
CLOSE TO ABSOLUTE ZERO IS GONNA
HAVE ON YOUR SKIN?
>> HOW MUCH IS ALL THIS GOING TO
COST?
[CHRISTIAN SCOFFS]
>> THERE'S A $200,000 INITIATION
FEE AND IT'S 5 GRAND A MONTH
AFTER THAT.
>> JESUS.
>> OH, WHAT?
YOU GOT ANY BETTER SUGGESTIONS
OF HOW I SHOULD SPEND MY MONEY?
>> WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE LEAVE IT TO THE PEOPLE WHO
ARE GONNA STILL BE ALIVE?
>> YOU ARE SUCH A SPOILED LITTLE
DICK.
IS THAT ALL YOU CARE ABOUT?
MY MONEY?
>> NO, CHRISTIAN.
>> I MEAN, NO, THAT'S FINE.
TAKE IT.
HERE YOU GO.
HERE'S 20. ANOTHER ONE.
HERE YOU GO. TAKE THAT.
HAVE IT.
TAKE IT ALL. HERE YOU GO.
WOW, LOOK AT ALL THIS MONEY YOU
CAN HAVE.
IS THIS ENOUGH MONEY FOR YOU?
YOU LITTLE DICK!
>> LOOK.
>> TAKE IT ALL.
>> IT'S AMAZING, MAN.
EVEN DYING DOESN'T MAKE YOU ANY
LESS OF AN ASSHOLE.
BUT IT'S GOOD.
[SEAN SIGHS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
[CHRISTIAN SNIFFS]
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>> I'M MEETING WITH AN ICE
SCULPTOR.
SEAN, WOULD YOU PLEASE TALK HIM
OUT OF THIS?
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
>> YOU KNOW, ANY TIME YOU SPEND
SEARCHING FOR IMMORTALITY, YOU
MISS OUT ON A LITTLE BIT YOU
ACTUALLY HAVE LEFT.
>> JUST COME TO THE PLACE AND
SEE IT WITH ME.
[SEAN SIGHS]
[MACHINES BEEPING]
>> SORRY I'M LATE.
NO EXCUSES.
JUST SORRY.
>> AT LEAST YOU'RE CONSISTENT.
OK.
IF YOU'RE READY?
>> YEAH.
>> HIT IT, LINDA.
[MY VAMPIRE BY SINEAD O'CONNER
PLAYING]
>> * MY VAMPIRE,
MY VAMPIRE'S
FINE *
>> MY VAMPIRE,
MY VAMPIRE'S
OK,
OH, NO,
IT'S ALL A MESS,
DON'T KNOW IF
I SHOULD UNDRESS
THE WOUNDS YOU
WANT TO CARESS,
I MADE IT
TO THE OTHER SIDE,
NOW I
DON'T HURT NO MORE
AND YOU TRY
KNOCK DOWN THAT DOOR,
YOU SHOULD HAVE
BEEN THERE BEFORE,
I MADE IT
TO THE OTHER SIDE *
[SEAN SIGHS]
>> LOOK, SEAN, I KNOW THAT
YOU'RE MAD AT--
>> LOOK, IF YOU WANT OUT, JUST
SAY IT. YOU KNOW?
DON'T MAKE ME WAIT FOR YOU WITH
A WOK FULL OF BURNT STIR FRY AND
HALF-LIT CANDLES.
DON'T MAKE ME FEEL MORE LIKE A
FOOL THAN I ALREADY DO.
>> MY NOT SHOWING UP IS NOT A
COMMENT ON THE EVENING'S
ENTERTAINMENT.
MY AUNT DIED.
WE WERE CLOSE.
>> DID YOUR CELL PHONE DIE ALONG
WITH HER?
>> I AM SORRY IF MY FIRST
THOUGHT WASN'T ABOUT YOU, SEAN.
IT'S BEEN OVERWHELMING.
I HAD TO FLY TO HOUSTON AND
IDENTIFY THE BODY, MAKE FUNERAL
ARRANGEMENTS.
I'VE BEEN A WRECK.
>> I'M SORRY.
>> I'M SORRY, TOO.
WHY DON'T WE TRY IT AGAIN
TONIGHT?
I'LL MAKE YOU ONE OF HER FAMOUS
DISHES
AND YOU CAN BE DESSERT.
>> HELLO.
>> [INDISTINCT]
>> HI.
>> COULD YOU PUT HER IN THE
PLAYPEN, PLEASE, AND GIVE ME A
HAND?
>> UH, YEAH.
HEY, BEAUTIFUL.
UM, YOU KNOW IT'S NOT MY DAY TO
WATCH HER, RIGHT?
>> YEAH, I KNOW.
WELL, I'M NOT DROPPING HER OFF
FOR YOU TO WATCH HER.
SHE'S GONNA MOVE IN WITH YOU,
BUT JUST FOR, LIKE, 2 WEEKS, OK?
AND I HAVE HER HIGH CHAIR IN THE
CAR, SO WILL YOU COME GET IT?
>> UM, WAIT A MINUTE.
HEH. UM, M-MOVE IN?
>> YEAH.
DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?
SHE IS YOUR DAUGHTER.
>> WELL, WAIT A MINUTE.
LOOK.
YOU--YOU CAN'T JUST BARGE IN
HERE AND EXPECT ME TO DROP
EVERYTHING.
>> MATT, PLEASE.
[KIMBER SIGHS]
RAM KICKED ME OUT, OK?
SO, I DON'T HAVE A PLACE TO LIVE
AND I NEED TO FIND AN APARTMENT,
AND THE GOOD ONES, THEY DON'T
LIKE IT WHEN YOU BRING THE
LITTLE SQUEALER.
>> HE REALLY KICK YOU OUT?
[KIMBER SIGHS]
>> HE SAID I WAS TOO OLD.
DO YOU THINK I LOOK TOO OLD?
>> I THINK YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.
YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN BEAUTIFUL TO
ME.
I HAVE AN IDEA.
WHY DON'T WE GET A PLACE
TOGETHER?
THE 3 OF US, LIKE A FAMILY.
>> MATT, ARE YOU ON METH AGAIN?
BECAUSE YOU'RE ACTING HIGH.
COME ON.
>> HEY.
>> WHAT?
BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A PLACE TO
LIVE, YOU THINK I DON'T HAVE A
LIFE OR A FUTURE?
>> OH!
>> NOW, WILL YOU GO GET HER HIGH
CHAIR?
>> NO, I CAN'T GO GET HER HIGH
CHAIR.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT, KIMBER?
JENNA CAN'T STAY HERE.
>> WHY?
>> CHRISTIAN'S GETTING MARRIED.
THERE'S A LOT OF THINGS
HAPPENING.
>> W-WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
CHRISTIAN'S GETTING MARRIED?
TO WHO?
>> TO LIZ.
>> DYKE LIZ? OK.
YOU'RE HIGH.
>> THE INVITATION'S ON THE
COUNTER IF YOU WANT TO TAKE A
LOOK.
>> LIZ AND CHRISTIAN? WHY?
>> HE'S DYING, KIMBER.
THE CANCER CAME BACK.
HE'S GOT MAYBE 6 MONTHS.
YOU KNOW, LIZ HAS REALLY BEEN
THERE AND SHE WANTS TO TAKE CARE
OF HIM, YOU KNOW?
BEFORE HE, UH...
>> SO, HE'S REALLY DYING?
>> THE MAIN DIFFERENCE IN TEXAS
CHILI IS THAT IT DOESN'T HAVE
BEANS.
>> OH, JESUS.
[TEDDY LAUGHS]
I'M ON FIRE!
>> OH!
AUNT DOT ALWAYS SAID THAT IT WAS
ALWAYS ABOUT THE CHILI PEPPER.
>> OH, MAYBE THAT'S WHAT KILLED
HER.
UM.
SORRY. I--THAT WAS PRETTY--
>> FUNNY.
FUNNY.
ACTUALLY.
MY AUNT HAD SUCH A GREAT SENSE
OF HUMOR.
SHE ACCEPTED THAT NO MAN WAS
EVER GOING TO BE THERE FOR HER,
SO SHE DECIDED THAT SHE WOULD BE
THERE FOR HERSELF.
[TEDDY SIGHS]
AND THAT BEING ALONE DIDN'T MEAN
BEING LONELY AND MISERABLE, AND
THAT NO MAN WAS EVER GOING TO
HURT HER OR TAKE AWAY HER SPIRIT
EVER AGAIN.
AHEM.
YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO CALL LIZ AND
TELL HER THAT I CAN'T MAKE IT TO
THE WEDDING BECAUSE IT'S THE
SAME DAY AS THE FUNERAL.
>> YOU WANT ME TO COME WITH YOU?
>> NO, SEAN.
CHRISTIAN IS YOUR BEST FRIEND
AND HE NEEDS YOU.
LIFE TRUMPS DEATH EVERY TIME,
RIGHT?
>> RIGHT.
YOU CAN BE VULNERABLE WITH ME.
HMM? COME HERE.
>> THANK YOU.
[TEDDY SNIFFS]
I APPRECIATE THAT, BUT RIGHT
NOW, I DO NOT WANT TO BRING US
DOWN.
I WANT TO BRING US UP.
>> HMM.
[BOTH MOANING]
>> HOLD THAT THOUGHT.
HOLD THAT THOUGHT.
[PANTING]
[INHALING]
OH, MY GOD.
[TEDDY GIGGLES]
>> DO YOU NEED THAT TO GET OFF
WITH ME?
HUH?
>> NO.
IT JUST HEIGHTENS THE ORGASM.
[PANTING]
>> WHAT?
>> I JUST THINK IT'S A LITTLE
DANGEROUS.
>> I AM AN EXPERT IN N2O's
ANESTHETIC EFFECTS.
I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.
>> DO YOU?
>> YOU HAVE YOUR 2 GLASSES OF
WINE TO GET HIGH.
AND I HAVE THIS.
[TEDDY SIGHS]
[TEDDY MOANS]
[TEDDY GIGGLES]
[TEDDY SIGHS]
>> WHAT'S IT FEEL LIKE?
>> THERE'S NO PAIN.
IT'S PURE ESCAPE.
THERE'S NO PEER PRESSURE HERE,
SEAN.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO PROVE
ANYTHING.
I KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND I ACCEPT
THAT.
JUST LIKE I HOPE YOU ACCEPT ME.
[LAUGHS]
OH! OH! OH!
[LAUGHS]
>> I'D ONLY EAT HALF OF THAT IF
YOU WANT TO FIT INTO YOUR
WEDDING DRESS.
IT'S AN OLD MODELING TRICK OF
MINE.
>> MY GOWN IS CUSTOM MADE.
AND I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T WEAR
ANY CLOTHES IN MOST OF YOUR
MODELING.
>> YOU KNOW, WHEN I HEARD ABOUT
CHRISTIAN'S UPCOMING WEDDING TO
YOU, I STARTED TO FEEL A BIT
NOSTALGIC.
DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN I HAD MY
FIRST SURGERY IN MIAMI?
YOU WARNED ME ABOUT CHRISTIAN.
YOU TOLD ME HE WAS NO GOOD AND I
WAS JUST ONE IN A LONG LINE OF
GIRLS HE HAD SCREWED AND SCREWED
OVER.
>> WHAT'S YOUR POINT?
>> MY POINT IS, YOU WERE WRONG
ABOUT HIM AND I THEN AND YOU'RE
WRONG ABOUT US NOW.
HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU, LIZ.
I MEAN, I'M SURE HE LOVES THE
IDEA OF YOU PLAYING NURSEMAID,
BUT HMM.
I'M THE ONE HE REALLY LOVES.
>> YOU ARE SO PATHETIC.
>> WHO'S PATHETIC?
THE WOMAN WHO'S MARRYING A MAN
BECAUSE HE'S DYING OR THE ONE HE
CLOSES HIS EYES AND THINKS ABOUT
WHILE HE'S SCREWING YOU?
WAIT. WAIT A SECOND.
[SIGHS]
YOU DON'T HAVE TO MARRY HIM,
LIZ.
I WILL.
I'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM.
>> CHRISTIAN IS GONNA BE 100
POUNDS IN 3 MONTHS, AND HE'S
GONNA NEED SOMEBODY TO WIPE HIS
ASS.
NOW, I'M SURE YOU'RE A WIZARD AT
ORAL SEX, BUT DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE UP TO THAT?
>> YES!
THIS IS MY CHANCE TO REDEEM
MYSELF WITH HIM.
I LOVE HIM, LIZ.
I ALWAYS HAVE AND I ALWAYS WILL.
>> AW.
I'M ON TO YOU, SWEETIE.
MATT TOLD ME ABOUT EDEN AND THE
PANDERER WHO THREW YOU OUT ON
YOUR BLEACHED LITTLE ASS.
YOU DON'T WANT CHRISTIAN.
YOU WANT THE WARM EMBRACE OF HIS
WALLET.
ARE YOU SO VAPID, ARE YOU SO
UNABLE TO MAKE IT ON YOUR OWN
THAT YOU WOULD SINK YOUR FANGS
INTO A DYING MAN?
WELL, I AM NOT GONNA LET YOU
SUCK ONE MORE DROP OF BLOOD FROM
HIM.
>> THIS ISN'T OVER, BUTCH.
>> OHH.
IF YOU COME NEAR ME OR MY
FIANCE, I'M GONNA SHOW YOU JUST
HOW BUTCH I CAN GET.
[DOOR CLOSES]
>> DR. TROY, ARE YOU READY TO
SEE YOUR FUTURE?
>> I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE BIGGER.
>> WELL, THE HARDWARE IS STILL
EXTREMELY EXPENSIVE, AND THOUGH
YOU AND I AGREE THAT THIS IS THE
TICKET TO EXTENDING LIFE, THE
CLIENTELE WITH THE FORETHOUGHT
AND FINANCIAL WHEREWITHAL IS
LIMITED.
NOW, DOCTOR, HERE'S YOUR PORTAL.
THE AZ-6294.
IT'S ONE OF OUR NEWEST.
>> CHRISTIAN, UH, YOU MIGHT WANT
TO SEE THIS.
[CHRISTIAN LAUGHS]
>> THERE'S AN OLD JEWISH GUY IN
MY TANK.
>> YES, THERE'S SOMEONE IN EVERY
TANK.
WE'RE AT FULL CAPACITY.
DR. TROY, MEET HERB SCHLANSKY.
HE'S YOUR ETERNITY ROOMMATE.
>> NO.
I--I WANT MY OWN TANK.
I--I'LL PAY MORE.
I MEAN, DON'T YOU HAVE LIKE A
ONE BEDROOM OR SOMETHING?
>> NO. NO, NO, NO.
THAT'S--THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE.
AS I SAID, WE'RE AT FULL
CAPACITY.
>> THERE WAS NOTHING IN YOUR
LITERATURE ABOUT SHARING A TANK.
I MEAN, WHAT IF THEY FIND A CURE
FOR THIS GUY FIRST AND THEY HAVE
TO THAW HIM.
HOW DO THEY KEEP ME FROZEN?
>> I'M--I'M SURE WE'LL FIGURE
SOMETHING OUT.
>> AHEM.
I DIDN'T EVEN LIKE IT WITH YOU
AS A ROOMMATE.
WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?
>> YOU'RE SCARED.
YOU'RE REACHING OUT FOR SOME
PHANTOM HAND TO KEEP YOU FROM
FALLING INTO THE ABYSS.
IT'S NORMAL.
IT'S JUST NOT GOING TO MAKE ANY
DIFFERENCE.
>> SEAN, I'VE LIVED MY LIFE LIKE
I'VE HAD SOME KIND OF DEATH
WISH. YOU KNOW?
I MEAN, DRUG ABUSE, UNSAFE SEX.
I DRINK VODKA LIKE IT'S WATER.
IF I COULD FIT INTO A TAILORED
GUCCI SUIT WITHOUT WORKING OUT,
I'D NEVER STEP INSIDE A GYM.
[SEAN SNORTS]
>> AND NOW?
>> NOW...
I DON'T WANT TO GO YET.
[WEEPING QUIETLY]
>> HEY.
COME HERE.
CHRISTIAN, ALL YOU NEED TO
UNDERSTAND RIGHT NOW IS THAT
YOU'RE NEVER REALLY GOING TO
DIE.
AND IT'S NOT BECAUSE OF OUR
PRACTICE THAT WE'VE BUILT UP OR
A SON WE RAISED.
IT'S THE STORIES.
[LAUGHS]
RIGHT?
I'M GONNA BE TELLING CHRISTIAN
TROY STORIES FOR DECADES.
YOU'LL LIVE ON FOREVER THROUGH
ME.
NOW, COME ON. BUY ME LUNCH.
>> NO, I GOTTA--
[SNIFFS]
I GOTTA HEAD BACK TO THE OFFICE
AND START WRITING MY VOWS.
>> [THINKING] "I'VE DONE A LOT
OF THINGS I'M NOT PROUD OF IN MY
LIFE, BUT PROPOSING TO YOU ISN'T
ONE OF THEM."
[OUT LOUD] OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE.
[SIGHS]
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
[BEEP]
>> HEY.
>> HEY. YOU GOTTA HELP ME OUT
HERE.
>> LISTEN TO THIS GIBRAN POEM.
I THINK I'M GONNA USE IT.
IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.
OK.
"LOVE ONE ANOTHER
MAKE NOT A BOND OF LOVE--"
>> LIZZIE, HONEY, SURPRISE ME,
OK?
I'M THE ONE WHO NEEDS THE HELP
HERE. THIS IS NOT MY THING.
WRITING WEDDING VOWS.
>> OK.
LOOK, JUST MAKE IT SIMPLE AND
HEARTFELT.
YOU KNOW?
JUST ONE SIMPLE SENTENCE.
THAT'S ALL YOU NEED.
>> OK.
[KEYS CLACKING]
[SIGHS]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[RUSTLING]
[BOTH MOANING]
[MOANING CONTINUES]
>> WE COULDN'T HELP OURSELVES.
[CHRISTIAN SCOFFS]
>> ON THE CONTRARY.
YOU HELPED YOURSELVES AND THEN
SOME.
>> IT'S LIKE WE'RE DYING.
LIKE...
WE'RE CORPSES WITHOUT THE BLOOD.
>> I GET IT, I GET IT.
YOU WANT TO LIVE FOREVER.
>> ARE YOU GOING TO REPORT US?
>> NOPE.
LAST CALL, THOUGH.
ONE MORE FOR THE ROAD, THEN GET
YOUR SCARY ASSES OUT OF HERE.
[MOANING]
>> OH, BABY.
I HOPE WE DON'T GET A WALK-IN.
IT'S ONLY 3:00 A.M.
>> BABY, IF YOU WANT TO PLAY
DOCTOR, YOU CAN'T BE ONE ALL THE
TIME.
[HARLAND LAUGHS]
>> I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I WANT TO
BE.
WAY DOWN SOUTH IN DIXIE.
[BOTH MOANING]
>> OH, LET ME AIR OUT BEFORE YOU
GO DOWN.
>> WHOA.
[TEDDY GIGGLES]
THAT'S IT, BABY.
THAT'S IT.
TAKE IT IN, HONEY.
TAKE IT IN.
[BOTH LAUGH]
NOW, GIVE ME SOME.
GIVE ME SOME.
'CAUSE YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT
MAKES MY DICK.
AND DON'T BE STINGY WITH IT.
>> COME ON, BABY.
LIE DOWN ON THE TABLE.
[BOTH LAUGH]
>> READY?
>> OH, GOD.
GIVE IT TO ME, BABY.
GIVE IT TO ME.
YES.
[LAUGHING]
>> THAT'S IT, DARLING.
TAKE IT ALL IN.
[HARLAND LAUGHING]
[HARLAND STRUGGLING]
>> OH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
GOD.
>> [PANTING]
>> YOU POOR FOOL.
WHY'D YOU HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE
WITH ME?
[SIGHS]
>> WHAT THE?
>> HERE.
>> [SIGHS]
LET ME.
YOU'D THINK YOU'D NEVER BEEN
THROUGH THIS BEFORE.
>> YEAH, WE ALL KNOW HOW THAT
TURNED OUT.
GUESS WE KNOW HOW THIS ONE WILL
TURN OUT, TOO, HUH?
AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER
AFTER FOR AT LEAST 6 MONTHS.
>> CHRISTIAN, YOU DON'T HAVE TO
DO THIS. I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU.
>> I KNOW. THIS IS RIGHT.
I LOVE LIZZIE. SHE'S A GREAT
GIRL. SHE'S GREAT WITH WILBER.
I HAVE TO THINK ABOUT
THE FUTURE, YOU KNOW.
HOW ABOUT YOU?
>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
>> AM I GONNA LEAVE THIS WORLD
WITH YOU A CONFIRMED BACHELOR,
OR ARE YOU GONNA SEAL THE DEAL
WITH TEDDY?
>> OH, WHO THE HELL KNOWS? SHE'S
BEEN AWAY SO MUCH LATELY.
>> WELL, LOOK AT THE BRIGHT
SIDE, SHE'S PROBABLY GOT ENOUGH
FREQUENT FLYER POINTS TO SEND
THE TWO OF YOU TO THE GREAT
BARRIER REEF.
>> IT'S TIME.
>> OK.
COME HERE.
YOU WERE RIGHT, I WAS
AN ASSHOLE. I'M SORRY. I GOT AT
LEAST 2 MONTHS TO FIGURE THAT
STUFF OUT, RIGHT?
YEAH.
[INHALES] OK.
YOU TWO READY TO GET ME TO
THE CHURCH ON TIME?
YEAH?
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
>> YOU INVITED KIMBER?
>> SHE DIDN'T NEED
AN INVITATION. IT'S A CHURCH,
THEY WELCOME EVERYBODY,
ESPECIALLY WHORES. IT'S BIG IN
THE BIBLE.
>> [CLEARS THROAT]
>> SORRY.
>> * THE VERY THOUGHT OF YOU *
* AND I FORGET TO DO
THE LITTLE, ORDINARY THINGS
THAT ANYONE OUGHT TO DO... *
>> LINDA, DO I LOOK LIKE
A BRIDE?
>> YOU LOOK GORGEOUS. JUST START
WALKING.
>> * I'M LIVING IN
A KIND OF A DAYDREAM,
I'M HAPPY AS A QUEEN *
>> WOW. WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT?
>> * AND FOOLISH THOUGH
IT MAY SEEM,
TO ME THAT'S EVERYTHING... *
>> FATHER, YOU HAVE MADE
THE BOND OF MARRIAGE A HOLY
MYSTERY, A SYMBOL OF CHRIST'S
LOVE FOR HIS CHURCH.
>> * THE LONGING HERE... *
>> YOU WERE BORN TOGETHER, AND
TOGETHER YOU SHALL BE FOREVER
MORE. YOU SHALL BE TOGETHER WHEN
THE WHITE WINGS OF DEATH SCATTER
YOUR DAYS.
>> * TILL I AM NEAR TO YOU... *
>> [SIGHS]
LIZ CRUZ, I WILL LOVE YOU FOR
THE REST OF MY LIFE.
>> * AND YOUR EYES IN STARS... *
>> IF ANY PERSON HERE CAN SHOW
JUST AND SUFFICIENT REASON WHY
THESE 2 PERSONS MAY NOT BE
JOINED TOGETHER IN MATRIMONY,
LET THEM DECLARE THEIR REASONS
NOW OR FROM THIS TIME FORWARD,
KEEP THEIR PEACE.
>> * MY LOVE *
>> KIMBER, SIT DOWN!
>> EXCUSE ME, I'M SORRY.
[SOBBING]
>> BY THE AUTHORITY VESTED IN ME
BY THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA, I
NOW PRONOUNCE YOU HUSBAND AND
WIFE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
* AND FOOLISH
AS IT MAY SEEM,
TO ME THAT'S EVERYTHING,
THE MERE IDEA OF YOU *
* THE LONGING HERE FOR YOU *
* YOU'LL NEVER KNOW
HOW SLOW THE MOMENTS GO
TILL I AM NEAR TO YOU,
I SEE YOUR FACE
IN EVERY FLOWER
AND YOUR EYES IN STARS ABOVE,
IT'S JUST THE THOUGHT OF YOU,
THE VERY THOUGHT OF YOU,
MY LOVE,
MY LOVE *
[AIR HISSES]
* MY *
>> [INHALES]
>> * LOVE *
>> I'M GONNA EAT SPAGHETTI.
>> YOU ARE? THAT SOUNDS GOOD TO
ME. SO, HOW DO YOU SAY "ICE
CREAM" IN ITALIAN?
>> GELATO.
>> GELATO? YOU'RE TOO GOOD.
HIGH-FIVE.
>> OK. OK, IS EVERYBODY READY
AND ZIPPED? ARE THESE THE BOOKS
YOU WANT TO TAKE WITH YOU
ON THE PLANE?
>> YEAH.
>> ALL RIGHT. HUBBY, ARE WE
GONNA HAVE TO PAY EXTRA FOR YOUR
LUGGAGE?
>> NO, NO, NO. WHILE YOU GUYS
ARE OUT EATING GELATO, I'M GONNA
SHOP FOR A WHOLE NEW WARDROBE.
>> CAN I CALL YOU MOMMY NOW?
>> YES, YOU CAN.
YES, YOU CAN.
MMM.
OK, BUT WE GOT TO HURRY UP. WE
GOT ONLY 5 MINUTES TO GO BEFORE
THEY COME.
>> OK.
>> LET'S GO.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
[BEEP]
>> YEAH?
>> DR. TROY, THIS IS DR. MOSS.
>> HELLO, DOC. LISTEN, I KNOW
YOU'RE DISAPPOINTED THAT I'M NOT
DOING ANYMORE TREATMENTS, BUT
HERE'S THE DEAL, I JUST GOT
MARRIED AND I'M ON MY WAY TO MY
HONEYMOON IN LESS THAN
5 MINUTES.
>> ACTUALLY, I'M--I'M CALLING
ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE. BECAUSE OF
THE NEW HEPA LAWS, WE'VE BEEN
USING PATIENT I.D. NUMBERS
INSTEAD OF NAMES. WHEN ANOTHER
PATIENT, MRS. GLENDENING,
SURPRISED US WITH AN UNEXPECTED
DOWNTURN THIS WEEK, WE RECHECKED
HER BLOOD WORK.
>> CUT TO THE CHASE, DOC. WHAT,
AM I GONNA KICK THE BUCKET
SOONER THAN I THOUGHT?
>> OUR LAB TECH INADVERTENTLY
SWITCHED YOUR I.D. NUMBERS. YOUR
RESULTS WERE LABELED AS HERS AND
VICE VERSA. LONG STORY SHORT,
MRS. GLENDENING'S BAD NEWS IS
YOUR GOOD FORTUNE. YOUR CANCER
IS IN REMISSION, DR. TROY.
I WISH YOU AND YOUR BRIDE A LONG
AND HAPPY LIFE TOGETHER.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
>> CHRISTIAN, THEY'RE HERE. CAN
YOU CALL HIM BACK FROM THE CAR?